Welcome to #HipHopFanfic, where we take the biggest gossip headlines in hip-hop this week and re-imagine how exactly they went down. This week we have Kanye West’s new verse about Kim Kardashian on Future’s new single “I Won.” —Kate Shapiro
Kanye listened to his verse on Future’s new single and said out loud, ‘Man, that verse is dope.’ There was nobody else in his Parisian apartment but that didn’t matter. He was an artist and how was anybody else supposed to respect him if he didn’t respect himself? Kanye had been thinking a lot about his legacy lately and, more importantly, how much more he was contributing to the world through his art than Reggie Bush was through being a running back. He turned on his computer to email Anna Wintour. He had an idea for a new scarf line, get this: Perpendicular lines and tanned leather from an Italian bull’s scrotum. He couldn’t wait to debut that shit at NYFW in September. He was such a dope fashion designer.
Before he could compose his email. He admired his desktop background. It was that paparazzi picture of Kim’s ass in Thailand where her ass is, like, engulfing this entire boat. Her butt cheeks are dappled with white sand. Sometimes he just had to thank God and Jesus for making him so amazing and talented that he got to tap that ass whenever he wanted . Maybe he couldn’t beat Reggie Bush in a 40-yard dash but he beat him in life. He beat him in that ass. Kanye’s verse ended and Future started rapping again. Kanye turned off the track. Man, he was the best rapper alive. Deuces.