Welcome to #HipHopFanfic, where we take the biggest gossip headlines in hip-hop this week and re-imagine how exactly they went down. This week we have Beyonce and Jay-Z skipping the Kimye wedding.
“Can we just not?” Beyonce said as she admired the dozen Juliet Roses’s Jay had brought her that morning. They cost 6 million dollars. She really loved him. Jay sat next to her on their deck that overlooked all of Los Angeles. He put his arm around her.
“Is it really that big of a deal,” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“It’s going to be so annoying,” she pointed out. “And so, so tacky.”
The wedding was supposed to be in a French chateau. Beyonce hated France and she physically shuddered when she imagined what the theme was going to be. So much velvet.
The last time Beyonce had seen Kim, she had asked her to be a bridesmaid. Beyonce has had exactly two conversations with Kim in her entire life; she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid. She didn’t have anything against Kim really, but what would they even talk about? It wasn’t her place to be there. It would be so awkward. Beyonce would rather marathon “House M.D.” on her private jet. When Beyonce wasn’t working, Beyonce was all about relaxing. “We would have to be on that show,” she added, giving him a look.
“I hate Kris Jenner,” Jay said, his eyes rolling over.
“I know you do,” she said sympathetically.
“What do you suggest we do instead,” Jay pleaded. “He’ll be mad.”
“Just give him a yacht,” Beyonce said with a wave of her hand. In her experience, yachts made everything better. “And take him to the club or something, a bachelor party, that’ll make him feel special. That’s all he wants, really, is to feel special.”
“Yeah,” Jay agreed and he lit up a Cuban. Beyonce thought of their own wedding, years ago: classic, understated, private. She reached for Jay’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Together, they looked out at the setting sun. She closed her eyes and leaned back.
Cut to a week later, in Atlanta at Strokers. Kanye is sitting on Jay’s shoulders. “I’m on top of the world,” ‘Ye yells, tossing hundreds everywhere.