Solange Longs For Simpler Times, But Beyonce and Jay Z Have Other Plans. Now Pose For The Camera.


Welcome to #HipHopFanFic, where we take the biggest headlines in hip-hop and re-imagine how they went really down. This week we take a look at Beyonce, Jay-Z and Solange’s family outing weeks after Solange and Jay’s Met Gala fight.


“Thank God you can drink on the street in New Orleans,” Solange Knowles thought as she, Jay, Bey and the rest of their crew left Cafe Amelie.

“Solange, smile,” Bey said, elbowing her and motioning to the paparazzi gathered outside the restaurant. Jay had called them so they could show the world nothing was wrong since the Incident at the Met Gala.

They stopped and posed for pictures. Blue was gone, she got to go watch “Dora The Explorer” in the SUV with her nanny because she cried during lunch. Solange wished she could do that. Solange drained her Hurricane and smiled widely.

“Do you guys want to see some jazz?” Solange suggested, that way nobody would have to talk.

“I don’t know, Solange,” Bey said, sighing, “Blue’s tired. Maybe we should go back to the house and just chill out, you know?”

“We’re in New Orleans though.” Solange said flatly but everybody was already nodding. Beyonce had to argue with everything Solange said. Jay could be bleeding out all over the dinner table and if Solange suggested they go to the hospital Bey would say “I don’t know, Solange, maybe we should go back to the house and just chill out.”

“Whatever, lets just get this Instagram over with,” Solange said, putting her arm around Bey. Bey leaned her head in and grinned while their mom snapped a picture. Solange was sure Bey would look great. She always did. Which was whatever considering that was her only job.

Solange missed old B. She missed dressing up as Spice Girls and singing into their Sailor Moon wands. She missed watching “Mean Girls” and eating entire packages of Oreo cookies. Now all Beyonce did was drink organic juice and do everything Jay Z said.

Jay smiled slyly at Solange as their driver pulled up. She wanted to lunge at him and kick him right in the face. At least she got to do that once. Jay was mostly fine but just so stupid, he thought that if people weren’t living their life just like him that they were doing everything wrong. He didn’t understand that there were different people in the world with different needs. Not everybody wanted to be a Sports Agent/Rapper/Clothing Designer/Restauranteur/Record Producer/Multi-GAZILLIONAIRE. Solange just wanted to sing songs and for people to leave her alone.

They piled into the SUV and Solange snuggled next to Blue who was staring glass-eyed at the TV.

“You have the right idea,” Solange said and let everything fall away but “Dora.”

Previous #HipHopFanFic’s: Raekwon Let’s The RZA Know What Really Bothered Him. | Beyonce & Jay Z Mull Over KimYe Wedding Invite. | Drake Drinks Alone After Kentucky’s Loss.

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