Movies

We Read Every Review of Seth MacFarlane’s New Movie So You Didn’t Have To. Here’s The Verdict…

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As a cowardly farmer (Seth MacFarlane) begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his new-found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. *insert dramatic ass theme music here*

The previews look great. We all love Family Guy (I think), and Seth MacFarlane is ridiculously comical. However, is all that enough to make “A Million Ways To Die In The West” worth watching? Well, I took a bunch of reviews and stuck them together to make your decision that much easier. The verdict: The previews did the movie a whole lot more justice than it deserved, but if you’re a sick fuck who loves a twisted laugh and raunchy fun, none of these shitty reviews should stop you.

NYDailyNews: “MacFarlane has corralled a great cast, which makes it especially disappointing that the movie’s merely OK. There are some amusing jokes — a Christopher Lloyd cameo is the highlight — but MacFarlane ultimately relies too much on gross-out gags with no great payoff.”

RottenTomateos: “While it offers a few laughs and boasts a talented cast, Seth MacFarlane’s overlong, aimless A Million Ways to Die in the West is a disappointingly scattershot affair.”

NYTimes: “Seth MacFarlane plays a hapless farmhand in the Old West who loses his girl (Amanda Seyfried) when he ducks out of a fight, only to be taught how to shoot by the wife (Charlize Theron) of an infamous gunfighter (Liam Neeson) in this Media Rights Capitol Western comedy.” 5/10

TIME: “In a movie with a hundred rude sight gags, the few good ones can be attributed to the stunt team: a huge ice block that drops on a worker and explodes his face; a saloon cowboy falling over dead, his face colliding with and overturning the table top. There’s an indecent laugh with a county fair “Runaway Slave Shooting Gallery” — too soon, after 12 Years a Slave? — and an OK point-of-view shot, of Albert getting urinated on by one of his sheep, that would have worked better in 3-D. Even by these low standards, though, most of the stabs at humor miss their mark.”

LasVegasWeekly: “At nearly two hours, Million Ways is way too long for a dumb comedy, and the last half-hour is full of unnecessary detours. Theron is charming, but the rest of the supporting players are either trying too hard or not trying at all, and MacFarlane still manages to fill the movie with celebrity cameos and lazy pop-culture references even though it’s set almost 150 years in the past. As a delivery system for MacFarlane’s brand of lowbrow humor, Million Ways does its job, but as a movie, it’s a complete mess.”

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Forbes: “Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West is the most frustrating kind of (somewhat) bad film. It is clearly individualistic in construction, with an amusing point of view to boot. It is filled with notable actors who mostly enjoy the opportunity to cut loose…It’s not as funny as it needs to be either.” 

CBSPhilly: “A Million Ways to Die in the West will inevitably be compared to Mel Brooks’ eruptively funny Blazing Saddles (1974).  The comparison does not do A Million Ways to Die in the West much good, but it also reminds us that it’s been 20 years between drinks in a genre that is anything but crowded.”

Boston: “While MacFarlane’s Albert is forgettable at best, the film also suffers from lazy, clichéd writing that relies too heavily on shocking sight gags and scatalogical humor. The irony is that some of the movie’s biggest laughs are disgusting, gross-out scenes, such as Harris’s Foy uncontrollably defecating in a hat or when a giant block of ice decapitates a laborer.”

RollingStones: “Call this cowpoke comedy Blazing Saddles for millennials. Or just call it icky. As the bawdy hitmaker of TV’s Family Guy and the film Ted, writer-director Seth MacFarlane gets a lot of that. Gags about farts, STDs and violent pooping inspire haters. But for all its hit-and-miss jokes, there are lots of ways to die laughing at this Western raunchfest.”

Variety: “The saddles don’t blaze in “A Million Ways to Die in the West,” and the pacing is limper than a three-legged horse. In following up his 2012 smash “Ted” with a lavish comic Western, Seth MacFarlane has delivered a flaccid all-star farce that’s handsomely dressed up with nowhere to go for most of its padded two-hour running time.”

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