Unsolicited Advice

Ray J, You’re Not Out of Control, You’re F*ckin’ Bored: Unsolicited Advice

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Dear Ray J,

You know, you may just be one of the most generous people to ever walk this planet. You really have a kind soul giving the extra profits of yours and Kim’s infamous sex tape (which also made her stupidly famous) as a wedding gift to the lovely couple. Not.

Now, I don’t like to put the blame on others for second party actions but I would like to give a big fuck you for leaking that tape in the first place. You have graced the world with what is Kimberly Kardashian. I hate you.

How are we STILL talking about this stupid tape…7-YEARS LATER?! Dude, its OVER. You screwed up. You screwed Kim (literally). It’s time to get over it. You should be glad you don’t date her anymore, so please for everyone’s sake…leave it alone!

Now, I’ve learned that as your super annoying ex-girlfriend and her even more annoying husband Kanye spent their honeymoon in Europe, you went and got yourself in some trouble.

Let’s review the facts, shall we? First, you grabbed a girls’ ass and got kicked out of a hotel, then got arrested for opening your stupid mouth and spitting on a cop, and then smashed the window of the cop car you got arrested in because you felt “claustrophobic”. Yea, ok. Claustrophobic my ass Ray J…claustrophobic, my, ass.

So, good job. You’ve hit the lottery: vandalism, trespassing, resisting arrest, and battery on a police officer.

To me, you seem a little lost right now, however, luckily for you I came up with a short “Ray J” tailored survival guide for you. I hope you’re taking notes…

  1. If you want a date, ask the girl out POLITELY. Grabbing her ass is only going to get you in trouble (as you already know from recent experience). She’s a lady, not a chew toy. Down boy.
  2. Unfortunately for you, as hard as you try and wish upon the stars…you’ll never be Kanye. Move on with your life…I’m sure you’re somewhat, not-so-cool-show can help you with that. Distracting yourself from this reality is key!
  3. Maybe, instead of giving the sex tape profits to the already ridiculously rich newlyweds who DON’T need any more money than what they’ve already got, you could donate it to a charity! Not only will it boost your karma meter but I’m sure you’ll also make tons of people happy knowing that you’re not feeding the Bank of Kardashian.
  4. Oh and one more thing…Get the fuck over yourself.

Yours truly,


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