Dear Biebz, A Baptism Just Ain’t It…You Need Help: Unsolicited Advice


Dear Justin,

So you’ve been caught doing something irresponsible…what else is new? If your recent actions haven’t caused you enough problems as it is, this one was just really the icing on the cake.

You used a racial slur when you were 15 and the video recently resurfaced. Now, you’ve gone and gotten yourself baptized in order to wash away your sins…cool. This actually may be the best thing I’ve ever found out about you. I think I’ve just become a believer…

You can write apologies and “baptize” yourself but realistically, no one is going to accept it…minus Floyd Mayweather (but he has his set of issues so we’ll ignore him for now and probably always). You’re always going to be punching bag of the year. No one cares about your immaturity when you were 15 because honestly you haven’t really matured at all.

So here’s the thing, I really don’t want to give you any advice, but I also really hate to see a music career blow up in flames (which is totally expected for you) no matter how much you annoy the fuck out of me. So take notes cause I’m only going to tell you once:

1. Stick to the mainstream stuff. You’re in a great place: mainstream music. Stay there. You’re a lot better at singing for pre-pubescent teens as you basically still are one.

2. Cut the bad boy image. Be a man. Pick up your incredibly baggy pants, put on a shirt, stop grabbing your crotch (you look dumb) and grow up. I hear that’s what people have to do now days.

3. Baptizing yourself for this was dumb. If you really think getting baptized is going to wash away your remark and make you a new man, boy you are extremely wrong. It has been planted permanently in my mind that you have reached a whole new level of looney. If I were you, I’d go down a more effective route, for example, lets say…rehab?

4. Lay low for a while.  Seriously Justin, you’ve been messing up a lot lately. Staying out of the limelight may be your next best bet. Hey, maybe you can come back in a few years a totally new person and all will be forgiven…I mean, it’s highly doubtful but it’s worth a shot!

It just takes a little effort and you’re obviously not putting enough in.

You don’t need religion Justin, what you need is help…like real life professional help. In fact, the faster you retire the better.

Yours truly,


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