Welcome to #HipHopFanFic, where we take the biggest headlines in hip-hop and re-imagine how they went really down. This week we take a look at post-Honeymoon Kanye smiling on the street. Hey, smiling is a big deal for Ye.
Written by Kate Shapiro | Illustration by Jeremy Nguyen exclusively for WatchLOUD.com
The Old Kanye would have gotten mad that the tabloids wrote a story solely about how he smiled on the street yesterday but the New Kanye is fine with it. Old Kanye would have been like, Where is the coverage on my new single “God Level?” but Old angry Kanye is gone now. The New Kanye is focused on being the most famous person on earth and chillin’ with his new wife, who just happened to be the hottest bitch on the planet.
Kanye weaved through the crowd of paparazzi grinning ear to ear. He just got done with the gym and he was thinking about going to The Container Store. He didn’t know what he was going to get but he was married now and he felt like married people went to The Container Store. Maybe he’d get a Day Planner because carpe diem, bitches. Man, he loved French people. He loved life.
Kanye was gonna buy Kim 300 hangers for their new closet. He wondered if The Container Store could plate them in gold? What was he saying, of course they could, he was Kanye West! He was also going to replace Kim’s entire wardrobe. He knew most wives didn’t like when their husbands threw out all of their clothes but Kim was special. Kim was Art, she was Celebrity in the Highest Form. She was an innovator and she was going to change the world one day. Through her ass.
Kanye signed an autograph on the street and took a picture with a kid on a skateboard. He turned on his iPhone and watched the video of Andrea Bocelli singing to him and Kim at their wedding ceremony. He cried right there in the middle of Central Park. He was feeling so many amazing emotions at once. A little girl on Roller Blades zoomed ahead of him. A couple walked past him hand-in-hand. The world was so cool.
What was he doing in the park by himself? He was feeling too good for that. He texted Kim “YO BABY, I’M FEELING SO GOOD!!! GIVE NORTH TO THE NANNIES WE’RE GOING ON HONEYMOON PART 2!!! #DEUCES.” He was supposed to meet up with Jay and make some music but whatever. You only live once and he was in love. Maybe they’d go to the Galapagos Islands. Kanye thought turtles were dope.
He went to the Container Store and dropped 10 stacks on a closet organizer. “Can you put some Swarovski crystals on that?” he said to the pimpley store clerk who just stared at him. What was he saying? Of course they could, he was Kanye West and he was the king of the world.