Unsolicited Advice

Dear Robin, Naming An Album After Your Ex Is NOT How You Get Her Back: Unsolicited Advice


Dear Robin,

Let me tell you something, there is a time and place for everything. Naming your newest album after your drop-dead-gorgeous wife who realistically doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore, is NOT one of those things.

I would get it if you wrote a song and dedicated to her, but a whole fucking album worth of sad love songs in attempt to get her back…?  C’mon Robin. Nobody wants to listen to that shit, let alone a whole album worth of it! I mean not only is it embarrassing for you…but embarrassing for her too. What you’ve done is the equivalent of you telling Paula “I want you to leave me forever.” Any person with a brain can figure that one out, but I mean then again, you let Miley Cyrus grind up all over you so who really knows where your brain is…

Luckily for you, I’m an expert in the love field and came up with a few ways for you to win back your high school sweetheart, you know…the normal way.

1. Marriage counseling. I hear that they can help you overcome your problems.  (Little hint for you though; keep nodding your head yes and always put the wifey first. I can assure you you’ll ace counseling).

2. Gifts. See the thing about us ladies is that we’re not as complicated as you think. Flowers say, “I’m Sorry”, but Louis Vuitton, YSL, and Givenchy say, “I’m REALLY sorry and I REALLY love you.”

3. Love Letters. Keep it personal. Maybe you can even turn it into another one-hit-wonder. God only knows you’re really good at that. TIP: Try not to talk about date rape in this one.

4. Make up sex. Do I have to explain? Birthday sex, morning sex, beach sex…the list is endless but have the sex and have LOTS of it.

So Robin, in conclusion: keep it in your pants and stop grinding on 20-year-olds. And let me reassure you, naming your album “Paula” only confirms what everyone else is thinking…you’re nuts.

No one cares about your failing marriage.

Yours truly,


To Top