Welcome to #HipHopFanFic, where we take the biggest headlines in hip-hop and re-imagine how they went really down. This week we take a look at how the Drake Vs. Lil Wayne tour came together.
By Kate Shapiro | Illustration exclusively for WatchLOUD by Jeremy Nguyen
Drake and Lil Wayne were hanging out at the strip club, restless. Their new song “Believe Me” was playing in the background. This beat is so money, Lil Wayne thought, he could listen to it every single day. He just didn’t know what to do now that he dropped it. The big, round derriere of a beautiful, expensive Texan stripper was gyrating in his face. He put a hundred in her thong with a sigh.
“Man, I’m bored,” Lil Wayne said to Drake.
“Me too,” Drake said sadly, swishing the Hennessey in his glass listlessly. Ever since Rihanna had stopped taking his phone calls he couldn’t relax. Even at the strip club, the only place he felt truly happy, he wasn’t able to stop thinking about her. Even Nicki, who had come to Houston just to cheer him up, wasn’t helping. She was at the other end of the club, working the stipper pole. He thought this would make him feel better but all he wanted to do was eat Oreos.
“I guess I can record more for Carter V,” Lil Wayne said, taking an enormous hit off a peach Swisher packed with premo OG Kush. He shook his head, he had 43 tracks already and it wasn’t helping. The media would just yell at him for recording so much anyway, He never thought he would ever reach the point in his life where he was getting yelled at for not being lazy.
“Nah man, I’m not feeling the studio.” Drake said. He would just rap about how sad he was over Ri and he didn’t think he could take MORE “Drake’s Sad” internet memes. They both sighed and made it rain on a gaggle of twerking strippers. Nicki skipped over to them and put her arms around Drake’s neck.
“What’s up yall’s ass?” She said. Drake didn’t want to look at her, she wasn’t the same without the crazy wigs.
“We’re bored,” Lil Wayne said, scrolling through his list of Houston hoes. He couldn’t get excited about any of them. What was wrong with him?
“You idiots. Why don’t you go on tour? Make a ton of money and travel the world.” Nicki said, shrugging “Plus, everyone would lose their shit.”
Drake and Weezy looked at each other, their eyes widening at the thought. The screaming fans, the sold-out shows, the groupies. Weezy had been wanting to try out his new tour bus complete with a half-pipe and a jacuzzi.
“That’s perfect,” Drake breathed. He wouldn’t find time to miss Rihanna with all the business of a tour: the traveling, the sound checks, the nightly shows. Hell, if they did 20+ dates maybe he might finally get over her.
“Hell yeah fuckin’ right,” Lil Wayne said and they high fived. Things were looking up. Nicki laughed, took them both by the hands and together they walked to the VIP room. They were going to pour Cristal on some strippers tonight.