Dear Bron Bron, D.Wade and Boo Boo Bosh,
So, I see you’ve all decided to make a bold career move?
You’ve decided to become free agents…hats off to you! The world is yours, like the big blimp in Scarface said. The big three are free!
Now, as much as I applaud you guys for doing this, don’t you think it’s a little selfish? I mean, c’mon Lebron—you’re asking for maximum contract now? I thought this was about the game not the money?! Selfish, selfish, selfish…
But I guess this is a business after all and ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I’m still going to advise you guys to stay in Miami, though, especially you, Lebron (because once you opt back in, Bosh and Wade are sure to follow). I mean where else are people literally kiss the ground you walk on Bron Bron? Okay, maybe everywhere but that’s not the point…
You guys don’t need to become free agents to win. What you need to do is stay exactly where you are and clean up your acts from last season. That championship title should have been yours and you know it so don’t get your panties in a bunch thinking you have to leave to win…because you don’t. You just need to play better…on the same team.
Anyway…let’s talk about why you should stay in Miami:
1. You’ve had four trips and won two championships in the NBA Finals. WHY give that up? Do yourselves a favor, practice a
little lot more and stay. Please?
2. You know the Heat want you to stay. It’d be wise to stop while you’re ahead and save yourselves from all the media frenzy. Stick with Miami kids. You know you really don’t want to leave. (I have a feeling you’re going nowhere).
3. I get it. You guys want to create a power team and go for the big win. I like the way your brains work, BUT you’re just coming off as doing anything in your power to get the championship title and you kinda look like jerks for doing it. Is ball even life anymore?
4. Miami has a beautiful ocean view, HOT girls and nice weather…what more could you want? More money? More money, more problems.
Oh and Lebron, did you know there’s a Florida church group protesting to keep you? Like they are actually relying on prayer to make you stay. Their slogan is “Band for Bron”…
And Bosh, like you said…”It’s Miami. Enough said. People are dying to get here.”
JUST FRICKIN STAY