Welcome to #HipHopFanFic, where we take the biggest headlines in hip-hop and re-imagine how they went really down. This week we take a look at Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj’s beef from the BET Awards. By Kate Shapiro | Illustration exclusively for WatchLOUD by Jeremy Nguyen
Iggy Azalea knew that haters were gonna hate. She knew she should be above it all but she was only human and girls sucked. T.I. had just texted her the video from the BET Awards of Nicki Minaj throwing shade at her with the caption “smdh” but she didn’t respond. She wasn’t even going to acknowledge it. Instead she was gonna rise above it and focus on herself. She did vocal warm-ups for her upcoming live appearance while doing yoga and playing Candy Crush.
Before she focused on herself, though, she had to say one thing: you can’t obviously throw shade at someone and then say “no no no no shade” and have that be okay. That was some basic bitch shit. If you’re gonna throw shade then just throw it. Be REAL about it. Iggy pulled up the Wikipedia page for “Pills N Potions” and laughed out loud. Dr. Luke wrote that damn song.
Iggy was genuinely bummed. There weren’t many female rappers so why couldn’t they like each other? She thought Nicki Minaj would understand that they were strong, independent women in a man’s world and they had to stick together. Her boyfriend Nick told her that Nicki was just jealous and to ignore her but Nick was a basketball player: what did he know about anything other than dribbling? She wished she could talk to A$AP Rocky about this… but she would just end up yelling at him about some ratchet ass hoe per usual. Men sucked too. People just sucked.
F*ck it, she was going to say something. She couldn’t not say something. What would that teach her fans? To back down when some whack ass bitch tries to undermine your art? She opened the Notes app on her phone. How could she tell her fans to attack Nicki Minaj by telling them not to attack her? Maybe putting something in quotes would help. “Generally speaking I’m unbothered by anything that ‘happened’ at the BET awards.” Yep, that worked. She posted it on instagram.
Iggy put on lipstick and a mini-skirt and went to the club like the Longest Reigning Female Rapper On The Billboard Hot 100 that she was. SMDH indeed. She called Nick to meet her there. He may be a basketball player who knew nothing about rap battles but he was a good dancer.