Dear Selena Gomez, What You Need Is A New Pair of Shoes, Not Justin Bieber… (Unsolicited Advice)

Selena Gomez Unsolicited Advice

Dear Selena,

Girl, we need to chat.  You’re doing all this back and forth with Biebs and I’m getting whiplash.  Actually I’m almost sure the entire world is getting whiplash.  Are you together or not?  I’m sorry, but I’m sick and tired of seeing you break up to make up.  One minute you’re all “I love him,” and then the next you’re all “OH HAHA NEVERMIND.”  I don’t know who’s worst; you guys or Chris and Rihanna! SHEESH!

This isn’t healthy and you’re not sending a very good message to your fans.  You’re all for this “female empowerment” image and “you can make anything happen if you put your mind to it,” which is cool if you’d actually take your own advice.  I’ve got news for you Sel—you can really stay broken up with Bieber if you put your mind to it!

Look, I don’t want to go all Mr. Rodgers on you.  It’s your problem and none of my business and blah blah blah…but when I really truly do care about you—and your relationship drama is flooding my twitter feed—then it becomes a problem for me.

So listen up, because I want to help:

  1. If you’ve got it flaunt it.  Girl, you are hot.  Use it to your advantage and find someone who is worth your time.  You’ve been with the Biebs long enough to know that he is NOT worth ruining your mascara.
  2. Take a boyfriend vacation.  Every girl needs to go on a boyfriend hiatus at some point in their life.  You’re 22!  Go out, get drunk, have fun and make poor decisions (that don’t include Justin) because this is the only time to do it…when you’re young and you’re dumb.
  3. Sort out your priorities.  Devour yourself in a new project.  Acting is your thing so use it. Key word here: distraction.  Or you can pick up a newspaper.  Have you seen what the boy has been getting himself into?  He’s a grenade waiting to destruct.  I’m sure Wikipedia can fill you in if you’re looking for a quick debriefing.
  4. Buy new shoes.  Shoes will ALWAYS be better than boys.  They can’t break your heart, and if desperately needed you can use them as a weapon.  I’m almost positive having a sharp heel thrown at your head hurts.

The point here? I’m sick of watching you go around in circles.  Either you’re together or you aren’t.  Please sort this out.

Yours truly,


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