Hip-Hop FanFic: Bobby Shmurda’s Shecret

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Words By Beez

Reckless thugs, teen thots, fat blunts, big guns, G-Star, and hard liquor everywhere. This is the usual fare for a GS9 party in a Flatbush, Brooklyn apartment. But what’s unusual is the level of energy in the spot on this particularly cool evening in late October. Why?

Bobby, b*tch.

Bobby Shmurda, the neighborhood’s breakout sensation, is in the building. After doing shows and press across the country on the back of the “Hot N*gga” phenomenon, he has finally returned home to cool out with his peoples.

Bobby was always popular in Flatbush, despite his rare condition that doesn’t let him close his jaw, but his newfound celebrity officially appointed him king of urban BK.

Every dude wants a dap, every chickenhead wants a taste. Bobby arrives to the party with much fanfare, and immediately b-lines it to a couch, where he’s surrounded by his core crew, and reclines with a couple honeys on each arm.

Herbs try to hand him their mixtapes, ugly chicks try to offer their sexual services, and Gun Squad swiftly escorts them all the fuck away.

Bobby’s loving it, letting the attention continue to flow as he soaks it all in. But the endless praise eventually loses its luster, and Bobby starts to get bored.

Fortunately, he recognizes one of the more luscious thots from across the room. It’s one of his old hood crushes, Sindeey, and goddamn she looks thick tonight. She’s giving him eyes up and down that can only mean one thing.

Sindeey, realizing she’s got Bobby’s attention, walks right up to the couch he’s still slumped upon. She stares at him and smiles.

Sindeey slowly bends down, gently grabs his face, and whispers in his ear: “I know what choo like…”

Bobby swallows, and snarks back surprisingly loudly: “Whatchoo talmbout, ho?” trying to maintain his macho reputation without showing his nerves.

Sindeey stands up, slides her hand up Bobby’s left thigh and onto his crotch, and says for everyone to hear: “I’m gon give you top til you pass out…”

“OHH!!!” the party erupts.

Bobby pushes away the other hoodrats, grabs Sindeey’s hand, and guides her down to her knees.

Everyone crowds around as Sindeey unzips “baby Bobby”.

The whole Gun Squad is gazing at the festivities, passing blunts and encouraging the participants to go the extra mile.

Bobby is oddly stiff and silent through the ordeal, but Sindeey is quite the performer. After about 10 minutes of “neck,” she looks up at Bobby and declares: “I want you to make love to me.”

The Gun Squad goes absolutely bonkers. Except for one member – Bobby.

Bobby looks troubled, if not panicked. He starts to shake his head. “Nah, nah you said ‘til I pass out.’”

Bobby’s firm insistence on sticking to the terms of the initial arrangement strikes Sindeey and the crowd as a bit peculiar, but it isn’t until about 20 minutes later and three more attempts by Sindeey to switch to intercourse that GS and everyone present really start to get frustrated.

“Bobby, why you not tryna f*ck?”

“Bobby, you a f*g or something, dawg? C’mon give this b*tch the d*ck!”

It starts getting to Bobby’s heads. He’s losing baby Bobby. And the Gun Squad does not let him off easy.

“Woooow, Bobby homo?”

“Yo, Bobby Shmurda does not like pussy!“

“Bobby really is…”

“STOP!” Bobby shouts. The crowd goes silent. He stands up, and zips up his pants.

“We were just playin’ around, Bobby…”

Bobby takes a deep breath and exhales. “It’s just that I haven’t… I mean, I never uhh, did, like…”

Sindeey gasps. “OH MA GAWD. Shmurda’s a shvirgin.”

Related: Watch The Most Uncomfortable Footage Of Bobby Shmurda You’ll Ever See

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