5 New Careers For Scott Storch


Words by Mr. Mecc

As you may have heard from anybody with wi-fi access, despite producing classic tracks for Justin Timberlake, Dr. Dre & Beyonce producer Scott Storch has had to declare bankruptcy for the second time in his life. That’s right, the man behind classic smashes like “Still D.R.E.” and “Candy Shop” is down to his last 100 bucks in cash. Although his shady (and snowy) habits were known to lighten his pockets and tighten the belt, we’d hoped that a 2009 stint in rehab would have cleared that up. But according to TMZ, the former 70 million dollar man is singing a new tune on skid row.

Never fear! We here at WatchLOUD have come up with a list that of gigs that the good Mr. Storch is perfectly suited to handle.

Music Teacher

Hey, the job of a producer is to capture the ears of the youth anyway right? This way he’s got a captive audience. And hey, whether he’s buying or selling, the market for drugs is always open.


Motivational Speaker

Now tell the truth, if you were getting life lessons who would you want them from? The guy who gained and blew through 70 million dollars or the guy who’s probably going to be sitting right next to you listening about what not to do.


Race Relations Expert –

It’s 2015. What other white guy has this much extensive knowledge in the practices of law enforcement, the criminal justice system, narcotics, is welcomed around black people and could compose theme music to the racial draft? Not to mention he blew most of his money on a Black woman that has slowly transitioned into an Asian lady before our very eyes.



If there’s a way to get back to his 70 million dollar fortune, one good way to start would be by sharing the stories of how he lost it in the first place and all the good times along the way. Sex, drugs, Buggati’s AND Lil Kim? The movie would make Entourage look like a Pixar flick.


Rejoin The Roots –

Cant you just picture Scott walking up on the group right after one of their successful gigs, reminding them that they wouldn’t be as big if not for him and them proceeding to show them that he’s still got the goods? Oh wait, that was “The 5 Heartbeats.” Still, Scott should get his Eddie Cain on. If not, they can always use someone new on the toy piano for their “classroom instruments” bit.





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