Weddings are fun to attend for three reasons: the ceremony, the reception and hooking up with other singles swept up in the moment. The comedy and drama of this was captured perfectly in the comedy Wedding Crashers. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn played two lotharios (John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey respectively) looking to score with women at weddings until a hook-up mission goes into overtime and they find themselves at the mercy of an insane family of aristocrats.
The film has been making us laugh since its premiere in 2005. For its tenth anniversary, we decided to take a look at the life lessons we learned from watching Wedding Crashers.
1. Petty people will go to extreme lengths to make you angry.
The audience was introduced to the protagonists Jeremy and John through their jobs as divorce mediators. The couple they’re working with is sitting in the office arguing over frequent flyer miles-not custody of the children or who gets the house, but frequent flyer miles. The husband wants to keep the miles because he earned them traveling for work. His estranged wife wants them because her soon-to-be ex-husband was also using said miles to travel to see his mistress in another part of the country, which drove her so crazy she demands he shut his mouth when talking to her. Still having a tough time figuring that one out, but okay. Whatever you say, Petty Pendergrass.
2. Open bar at a wedding is a must.
After watching two people declare their love and devotion in front of their friends, the open bar is the best part of any wed. Think about it, when you get an invite to a wedding, one of the things that crosses your mind is if it will have an open bar. John and Jeremy were concerned about that. So out of the 17 weddings they crashed only two were cash bar.
3. Double and triple check your sources of information before sharing.
This could also be said for the sharing of idiotic articles disguised as satire being shared on Facebook, but that’s a tangent for another day. When Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson begin mingling at the Cleary wedding, Wilson tells people he’s related to the political family through one of their old aunts. It just so happened that the aunt Wilson chose to use had been toe tagged and bagged years prior.
4. Ladies play the game just as well as men.
Jay Z told us in 2004 that ladies were pimps too and Claire and Gloria Cleary prove him right. Claire and Gloria’s mother was a cougar preying on Owen Wilson’s character John. She corners him one night and forces him to cop a feel of her new surgically enhanced breasts. John’s awkwardness is furthered once he discovers Mrs. Cleary makes a lot of young men feel on her chesticles. Secondly, Vaughn’s character, Jeremy, is doing everything but filing a restraining order to keep stage five clinger Gloria away from him because he thinks he took her virginity. Things take a turn when Gloria admits she wasn’t a virgin when they had sex. She just told him that because that’s what guys wanted to hear. Your move, fellas.
5. Never leave one of your boys behind.
The wedding crashing duo played the game by their own rules. One of which was never leave a man behind. When Jeremy and John’s lives begin to diverge, John keeps on crashing weddings and begins to lose his shit. He gets white boy wasted, makes terrible speeches and even destroys a drum set. Had Jeremy been there, none of that would’ve happened because Jeremy would’ve checked John at the gate. Checks and balances, my friends, checks and balances.
6. Don’t be afraid to grow up.
As cool as the film made crashing weddings look, it’s an act of immaturity. Content in their playboy lifestyle, both Jeremy and John were caught off guard by the feelings the developed for Gloria and Claire respectively. John felt he and his best friend were getting too old to be acting as young children and his interaction with Claire cemented it. Conversely, Will Ferrell’s scene-stealing Chazz Reinhold was a wedding crashing “legend” who still lived with his mom waiting for her to serve him dinner between hook-ups.
7. The elderly have no filter and give no f*cks about your feelings.
Grandma Cleary’s one liners damn near stole the film. Whenever there was some tea to be spilled, Granny was most likely the one kicking over the glass. She said and did what she wanted when she wanted and dared you to say something. Nobody ever really went against Granny because she could drink you under the table, cuss you out and had serious aim when it came to handling a rifle. Does that sound like somebody you want to try? Didn’t think so.
8. Be careful of the signals you give off.
Jeremy spent most of the movie playing wingman, trying to keep Gloria close enough so that she was too occupied to take Claire’s attention away from John, but far away enough for her not to try anything. It didn’t work because not only did Gloria tie Jeremy to the bed and throw it on him, so did her younger brother, who painted a nude portrait of Jeremy. Gloria’s brother took Jeremy’s resistance to Gloria as an open invitation to pitch to the catcher if you get my meaning.
9. A big breakfast fixes everything
After a harrowing night being the house sex-slave Jeremy is ready to bounce. But John convinces him to give him more time to close the deal. So Jeremy takes full advantage of the Michael Phelphs meal plan brunch piling his plate high with all four food groups (and a yet unnamed fifth) to charge his batteries for a full day of deception.
10. Family comes before business.
Claire and John had an instant connection when they met albeit she was in a relationship with a verbally abusive jerk from a pedigreed family. As John tried to convince Claire to ditch her fiancée for him, the fiancée thinks he’s good money because he’s gotten in good with Mr. Cleary, who is Secretary of Treasury in the United States. Secretary Cleary dashes those thoughts when he tells Claire to follow her heart and that leads her to John.
11. Fight for what you love.
John and Jeremy met the women they fell in love with under false pretenses. When their deception was revealed, they were banished from the Cleary compound. While Gloria and Jeremy’s relationship deepened because of the revelation, John and Claire’s hit the skids. She wouldn’t return John’s calls or texts or letters or candy grams. John was getting ignored harder than Robin Thicke during the disastrous promotion of the Paula project. But he was stubborn and even got his ass beat trying to win her back.