That Time Stacey Dash Became Bonita AppleBong #TBT

stacey dash apple bong

Actress turned political pun  pundit for Fox Snooze Stacey Dash has fully embraced the dark side of the force. In her latest effort to separate herself from any melanin in her skin, she weighed in on the Oscars’ lack of diversity by saying that “We have to make up our minds…Either we want to have segregation or integration. And if we don’t want segregation, then we need to get rid of channels like BET and the BET Awards and the Image Awards where you’re only awarded if you’re black.”

RELATED: Hey Bill O’Reilly, Stacey Dash Is In Her Cousin Dame’s New Gangster Movie

We’re not going to go down the rabbit hole of just how backwards Dash’s line of reasoning is, and that she herself has participated in black award shows and sitcoms in the past, and appeared on the cover of many, many black magazines, because feeding the trolls will just keep them fat. We have just accepted that the Stacey Dash that gifted us with sheer nipple ninjitsu in Kanye West’s “All Falls Down” video is gone, never to return.

But there are remnants of her once relatable self still on the web…

In February of 2013 Dash launched a web series called “Normal,” years after she’d already established herself as a pro-NRA anti-Obama shill for the Right Wing. In what felt like an attempt at counter-programming her new stick-in-the-mud image, she imagined herself as an average American woman working through a divorce and separation from her daughter on her birthday. As the odd woman out, she found solace in the everyday things that Republicans love to rally against but damn sure partake in behind closed doors, like smoking weed, masturbating and having sex with gay people. For real.

In the first episode called “The Dip” Dash’s character discovers a jar of that sticky icky in her daughter’s bedroom, presumably belonging to the babysitter.

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After making a stern call about the found herbals, Dash doesn’t toss it, rather, she stashes it for a rainy day. Then takes a relaxing “dip” in the tub to literally work out some kinks.


While Dash can’t act her way out of a rigged voting booth in Florida, we gotta say her “O” face rates a solid 8 on the Pornhub fap meter.


However, her waterproof light saber technique would make Kyro Ren commit hari kari. It’s all in the wrist. 


When she finally gets a fleshlight with an actual pulse he turns out to like guys, much to her dismay. It must really suck to 1) be a litmus test on the sexual spectrum and 2) to have his dipstick turn a hue of homosexual after swabbing your vagina with it.


Which is why that bud she found turned out to not be such a bad thing. We would like to point out that for a raging Trump-stumper her crumbling technique is not quite novice level. Either she’s part dung beetle or she’s rolled up a few blunts in her day.


Her homemade bong making skill tells us her cousin Damon has had some influence on her after all.


And in the moment of truth she invokes her inner Wiz Khalifa and takes a hit from the green apple. The stress of the day goes up in a cloud of smoke and for a moment the lonely stoner seems almost human. Like somebody you could call up and go get shawarma with. Almost…normal.



But the experiment was evidently abandoned.  This was the first and last episode filmed. The Youtube channel that hosts the video only has this and the teaser uploaded almost three years later.


We get that she was acting but even a fake likable Stacey Dash would be preferable to the equally fake one we hate on Fox News. We guess there isn’t much money in being normal–or nice–but if you ever bring it back Stacey, we’ll bring the apples.
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