It was 71 degrees in Austin, Texas yesterday, around the historic average for this time of year. The music industry was reconvening for their portion of the annual SXSW festival. Brooklyn MC and GOOD music signee Desiigner was set to perform his hit “Panda” at The Fader Fort. After being introduced by GOOD music president and MC emeritus Pusha T, the 18-year-old bounced on stage to give the capacity crowd an earful.
But we have to salute the true hero of the moment, the guy in the Panda costume. We had to imagine that wearing a giant panda head underneath hot stage lights cranks the outside temp up a good 10 to 20 degrees. It had to feel like sticking your head in the dryer while your big brother gives you a wedgie. And with the dried sweat from the previous shows baked in it—because who washes those things—it had to smell like your grannies du-rag in there. The one who smokes.
So we implore Desiigner to pay whoever the shirtless dude dabbing his way through the Carlton Banks dance in this furry guillotine double—no—TRIPLE, whatever you promised him. And if you weren’t going to pay him, and you have this man prancing about for an all-access wristband and second-hand groupie love, may you be paraded half naked in a Panda head barefoot down Eastern Parkway –in January–(because that’s actually a good time in the Summer) while taking roundhouse kicks from Tekken’s Kuma and the Revenant bear.